I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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