So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
