I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
