how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
