how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
honey bunches of taint.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
