just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
