He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
