OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm passing your future prison.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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