I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm bleeding and have questions
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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