The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
