Screwed.edu
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
