when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
