First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
