If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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