Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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