Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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