My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she pinky promised me she was 18
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
