Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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