I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
