I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
