I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
