singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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