Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
