is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
