we made out on top of his cat.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
