Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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