MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my liver is dry heaving
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
