This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
