she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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