that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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