you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
