why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
