it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We're too hungover to prance.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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