Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
