xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news, I just burned my penis
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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