For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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