I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
