It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
