There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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