I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
