I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
