If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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