i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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