the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
