Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
