he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
