i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
