did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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