new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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