I wish I could teleport
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
