btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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