I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
