I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize