Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
