she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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