he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
