Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
