I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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