her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
