how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
