I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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