i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
