I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
only you would photoshop your dick
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
