The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
