i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
