I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
