Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
