Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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