i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
