Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
