dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
