I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
