we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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