i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
