some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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